Defusing Power Struggles with Your Child

Karen — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:29:02 +0000

PAUSE
It is usually difficult to think clearly in the middle of an argument. Tell your child that you are taking a short break. Move away, take a deep breath, and/or do something else for a few moments. Resume the discussion when you feel a little bit more calm and creative.

CONNECT
If your child is acting out physically, introduce an alternative means of physical expression, such as drumming, stomping, running or pushing against resistance.
If your child is crying or screaming, repeat what she says in a tone of voice that matches her intensity. Then ask “Is there anything else you want me to know?”

RESOLVE
Children need help learning to compromise. After the emotion has settled, see if you can determine your child’s concerns and briefly share your own. Work together as a team to find a mutually agreeable solution.

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Want to learn more about taking the struggle out of parenting?

Inspiring Connections offers evening workshops on topics like power struggles, potty training and sibling rivalry. Private parenting consultations are also available.
www.inspiring-connections.com
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Who is Inspiring Connections?

Robin Goldstein-Lincoln, MA, LPC and Karen Alonge are both mothers and have over 30 years combined experience working with parents. Robin works as a licensed psychotherapist and parenting consultant in Boulder. Karen is a parenting consultant in private practice locally and online.

How to Help Your Children Create Healthy Friendships

Admin — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 19:37:40 +0000

Express appreciation for the things your children already do well.

Children who feel capable and valued at home are less likely to tolerate unhealthy peer relationships. Focus on your children’s strengths and create opportunities for them to use these skills more often. For example, invite your child to help with special projects, tell stories to a younger child, help a friend with homework, teach a neighbor to ride a bike, or fund-raise with a lemonade stand.

Support friendships with a variety of peers.

When children have a broad circle of friends, they are better equipped to weather social ups and downs. Expand their network by encouraging play time with different classmates, as well as kids outside of school with similar hobbies and interests. Talk with your child about how to be a good friend and what to look for in others. Role-play challenging situations together.

Encourage your children to talk about their thoughts and feelings at home.

Keep the lines of communication open so that your children will feel comfortable telling you if they run into trouble with their peers. Spend time listening to your child’s positive and negative feelings without reacting emotionally or giving advice. Instead, ask questions such as What was that like? How did you deal with that? How can I help?